Befriended by: Brett in 1984
Uncle Mason hasn’t had a driver’s license since high school. He simply rides the family lawn mower around town. A quick errand. A casual drive-through at the bank. So, obviously he enjoys a large enthusiasm for speed boating. Mason and his two pugs, Oopie and Ruth, can be seen regularly piloting his Mach 5 straight onto land. 

For some reason, Uncle Mason was never informed on the proper number of cologne squirts. One fated Christmas, he received a bottle of classic, Uncle Mace musk. When one kind guest requested a sniff, Uncle Mason thought it appropriate to spray her arm five consecutive times. He never orders anything at restaurants, but always requests a fork. And at one point, Uncle Mason owned a bar. When the subject arises, he always responds with the same defeated reply–We had good tenderloin. 

Quotes: Just another day in paradise.
Often abbreviated: Just another day.
Sometimes, when alone, Uncle Mace can be caught humming Margaritaville.

Mostafa

befriended by: Brittany in 2007.
34-year-old Moroccan, discovered working behind the counter of the Athens, GA, Dunkin’ Donuts.

Mostafa disappeared for almost four weeks and returned with no real explanation to his live-in girlfriend. Only after happening upon some curious photos was it discovered that he had sauntered to Morocco for a month-long, arranged marriage ceremony…to a sixteen-year-old girl. When asked if he had accepted a dowery, Mostafa simply replied, “Yeah, baby. Just like a few camels ‘n shit.”

quotes:
I really love you, gurlz.
You really fucked up this time, babee.
Did you come to my house and take a picture of my cat?

*special collector’s edition comes with Mostafa’s Moroccan best friend, Mostafa. The two can usually be seen walking arm in arm down Broad Street in matching NYPD t-shirts. COMING SOON!